The Cycle Begins Again.

Last night.. Last night... Last night... As if repeating it thrice will spur my creativity to make a post worth reading. But that's not what this is about. This is for me. Selfish Creature.

Yesterday afternoon was one of the worst days I've had at work..

(Without being physically ill.. Throwing up in Food Ave probably takes the cake.)

Steritech came for an unannounced visit... Shit.

This results in frantic team members dashing around Food Ave, working to make it appear as though we adhere to health codes e'ry day...

The Great Hoofed One's backhanded comments were running more fluidly than usual.

Crash, crash, crash, make way for her fat fucking ass.

That was distasteful. I apologize.

I have never felt so inadequate as an employee.

Inadequacy is a fucking creeper.

It snuck around the neighborhood, peeking in windows, trying the doors, most locked.

Take that Inadequacy!

Then, just as Inadequacy was to call it a night, it saw a broken window.

"OH, THANK LUCIFER!" cried Inadequacy

Calmly and quietly, it climbed through the window into the warm and oh so inviting bathroom.

Armed with a razorblade, set to make a drastic revision of it's previous pieces.

For the first time I cut underwater. By the time I had finished the water was tinted an almost orange color.

Fuck.

Who are you kidding? You wanted this. You dreaded this. You hated this. You savored this.

The gaping wound was at once frightening and exhilarating.

Pack on the Paper towels.

Also, fix that whole naked issue.. Not okay to enter the bitter cold naked and wet.

Security search. Not as bad as some I've been through. Only a pocket check, a metal detector, and a set of unfriendly hands.

The M.D. injected the anesthetic. It has never bothered me, though they make a big fuss, about the pinching and the burning sensation...It's really not s....

FUCKINGMOTHERFUCKINGDUCKMOLESTER

Worst pain ever.

I had barely missed a nerve with my blade but the Doc's needle wasn't about to let it go unscathed.

I almost screamed. It. Was. Terrible.

I expect no sympathy, after all I had brought it upon myself, but appreciation for the massive amount of hurt would be nice.

Cleaning...Cleaning... Cleaning... As if repeating it thrice will spur my creativity to make a post worth reading. But that's not what this is about. This is for me. Selfish Creature.

Stitch, stitch, stitch, stitch, stitch, sti.....

Knock, knock.  *tch*

Well hello there Nicole, *Stitch* I'm the Behavioral Health Evaluator. Can you tell *stitch* me what happened?

*Stitch* I speak of my workday, and that little fucker *stitch* Inadequacy.

I tell him I can cut really well. *Sti-* M.D. nods, it seems he agrees * tch*

That I can do that *stitch* better than most. I know also *stitch* that it is ineffective as a long term solution.

I also know this event will stave off the *stitch* desire to do further damage. At least for a while. I tell him this. I tell him I know *stitch* myself, and my SIB cycle, it will not happen *stitch* upon my return home.

He tells me I seem psychologically savvy, *stitch* I must have been to a few therapists...

I return *stitch* with "Since I was eleven"

*Stitch*

Between him, myself, and my mother we settle on home over hospitalization.

Now it's time to inform the others who have put so much stock in my success..

Not for kudos, nor sympathy, for the sheer purpose of
remembering what damage can be done.

Share and disappoint...Share and disappoint...Share and disappoint... As if repeating it thrice will spur my creativity to make a post worth reading. But that's not what this is about. This is for me. Selfish Creature.