I Want To Love Someone...

The way he loved me.

I know I never felt the same.

He's written me love poems.

Devoted himself to me fully. 

I in turn wrote a beautiful letter.

Filled with love, commitment, lust,

and admiration.

While high on superfluous amounts of Percocet following a tonsillectomy.

I want those feelings and thoughts to be sober.

And constant in supply.

Not about him.

Though I do love him for loving and caring for me in all the ways he has.

It's time to embark on a new adventure. 

No longer lying to myself.

Depriving myself of new experiences and lessons.

I want to explore. 

I want to be single.

But how I miss the warmth of another as I drift to sleep.

Pulsation. 

Expansion.

Lubrication.

I'm confronted with a conflict.

The hunger of my body for another.

The innocent values restricting my actions.

Faced with re-evaluating opinions I've long held on lovers and the loveless.

In embracing life, sexuality, and adventure must I compromise myself?

Do the fundamentals of my self include these values?

Rationalization.

I want a simple teenage love.

Exhilaration.

Touching in tandem.

No judgement. 

Ease. 

It's more apparent to me now than ever that I have no real direction.

Everything I write seems to sway me more towards experimentation and re-evaluation.

Perhaps it's only the lust making itself known.

Oh the desires of the flesh. 

Impure. 

Empowering.

Irresistible.